My Show and Tell God Archives - Barefaced Beautiful

Feeling Like a Sand Castle

May 1, 2015

This morning I am feeling a little weak, a little temporary. In the recent past, I felt rooted and confident of success in an area of long-term struggle, but now I am feeling insecure again. My castle was built… and a wave came and knocked it down.

Sometimes I like to be vague regarding what I am struggling with so that as people read my thoughts, it is easier for them to apply what the Lord speaks to them to their specific situation. But this morning, I think I should just be straight up and honest about where I am at. I am so tired of talking and thinking about this, but here it is, in my face again. Food… eating and weight gain.

Yesterday morning I was reading an entry from Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young. She writes from the perspective of what the Lord might be saying. She writes, “The truth is that self-sufficiency is a myth perpetuated by pride and temporary success. Health and wealth can disappear instantly, as can life itself. Rejoice in your insufficiency, knowing that My power is made perfect in weakness.”

She’s right. As soon as I think, “I got this!” things start to crumble again and I think, “I DON’T got this!” It’s so frustrating. I don’t want to struggle and have to figure this out again. I want to be like a fortress that can withstand any attack.

And then I read one of the Scriptures Sarah referred to in the devotional, and the Lord gave me a beautiful picture:

“And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (NASB)

The Lord spoke to my heart and showed me that if I were a fortress, a cement block, I could stand alone. It is better to be like a sand castle, which is molded and then toppled by a wave. As the sand castle melts into the water, there can indeed be rejoicing in that weakness. In fact, my weakness is beautiful, because each time I am toppled, I can be remolded- I can be touched by the hand of God.

And here’s another beautiful truth… I started crying when the Lord helped me see another aspect of this. When I am toppled by a wave, then I am dispersed into the world. We are sand, and when we become wet, our broken castles spread out and touch others’ broken castles.

So, I’ve been pondering, how does this sand castle concept actually work in real life?

~ If I am like sand, I need to acknowledge and accept that life is about becoming more mature in Christ, not about pursuing cement-like perfection in different areas of struggle.

~ As I am being molded and then melted over and over, God is mercifully and lovingly maturing me AND allowing my weaknesses to be His way of touching others’ lives through me.

~ I must choose a “Home Base.” Sand castles have two options: Be built on the water line and later washed away, or be built farther away from the water and crumble in the heat. Washed or Crumbled- that’s it.

I WANT TO BE WASHED BY THE WATER.

Being washed by the water is the vital component to being constantly remolded by the Lord and touching the lives of others.

And what is the water?

The Word of God.

I don’t want to struggle forever with food choices. But rather than despairing, I will wash my heart in the water of God’s word, get on my knees and embrace His next level of molding. I guess there is more work he wants to do here. And I WILL rejoice, because I believe that He will somehow use my melting to touch others’ broken castles.

In Wonderment, but Not Surprised

April 9, 2015

Wonderment: a state of awed admiration or respect

Surprised: Being in a state of mild astonishment or shock because of something unexpected.

Who would have thought that an undelivered package would be the avenue through which God would so clearly show His presence and His provision? I am in wonderment, but not surprised.

It was Thursday morning last week. My husband, daughter and I were at my friend’s house in New Zealand ordering some things online to bring home to our other children, whom we left in Colorado. (Okay, and some items for ourselves, too!) We were leaving the next Tuesday and although the timeline was a little tight, my friend was fairly certain we would receive the items before we left.

On Monday, I walked up to the mailbox several times on their beautiful property, beginning to think we would need to leave some money for them to ship the items to us after our departure. It wasn’t a huge deal, but I was hoping to have gifts to bring home to our kids and to avoid the hassle of having to ask our friends to ship them to us. So, as I am learning to do, I just asked the Lord: “Lord, please help those things come before we leave.”

What brings a smile to my face is that God is teaching me to ask Him, and then turn my worries over to Him. What better place to practice that than in a matter that was seemingly so small? I felt peaceful.

He wants me to approach Him with Open-Handed Expectation.

Thank you, Lord, for the opportunity to trust You with something little.

I know You are good; I know You provide…

I leave it up to You to determine the best way to do it!

I expect Your goodness,

but trust You to determine what Your goodness looks like.

That night, my friend approached me. “You know,” she said, “I don’t think this will happen, but remind me as we drive through town tomorrow to look and see if there is a red courier truck at the post office. It’s unlikely, but if there is one there, it could be that your things are on the truck.”

With her car loaded down with our bags, we headed to the airport the following morning… without our package. We left early so we could stop by a store before she dropped us at the airport. We also had to make a stop to drop her son at a friend’s house before we headed through the small town, Palmerston, closest to their sheep farm, and then off to Dunedin and the airport. As we drove through Palmerston, I reminded my friend about the post office. As we drove up, there was actually a red truck parked out front. We began to get excited when we realized that is was just the regular mail truck. Bummer!

Then, as we paused in front of the post office, what comes driving up right behind us? And I actually mean, literally, right behind us? A red courier van.

We explained to the driver that we were headed to the airport, and would he mind checking if there was a delivery on his truck for us? He was happy to oblige, and a few minutes later, we were holding our package. There was only about a 10-minute time frame during which that would have been possible, and the Lord placed us right there at that moment.

I was in wonderment, but I was not surprised.

I was in a state of awed admiration and respect for the Lord, but not astonished or shocked, because, well, God is good. Does He always say yes? No… because yes isn’t always for our best. But He often says yes, and I just absolutely love that He chose such a CLEAR way to reveal His yes in that moment.

It reminds me of the Israelites and one of the times they needed water in Exodus 17. God knew that, and He would provide it. But he didn’t lead them right to an oasis where they would say, “Ah, look what we have here! That’s perfect!” That would have been simply a neat provision. Perhaps the Israelites may not have even recognized it as from the Lord. No! He let them get a little desperate, and then blew their socks off by the provision of water gushing miraculously out of a rock. I believe God doesn’t just want to provide, He wants us to find Him in His provision.

Are you waiting on anything right now? The answer to your personal hope or need may be yes, no, or wait… I don’t know. But I do know that we can look- look for His perfect provision with open-handed expectation. In the mean time, recount the Lord’s goodness in past provisions- be they at the mailbox, shipped by a friend, or delivered by red courier van.

Psalm 100

A psalm. For giving grateful praise.

Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come before Him with joyful songs. Know that the Lord is God. It is He who made us, and we are His; we are His people, the sheep of His pasture. Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His name. For the Lord is good and His love endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all generations.

Soaking Up Love

February 14, 2015

As I welcome this Valentine’s morning, I’m thinking about our first daughter, Anaya, in light of a beautiful article written by Ann Voskamp. In it, she said, “The reward of loving is in the loving; loving is itself the greatest outcome of loving.”

You see, Anaya is a unique little girl. All her own, like no one else.

When we brought Anaya home from China over two years ago, we were at the end of a seven-year wait. We welcomed her into our family of six- Chris, myself, and our four biological sons. Our youngest son, seven at that time, was a brand-new baby when we began our adoption journey. And as time stretched on and our boys moved on from diapers and sippy cups to climbing trees and spelling tests, we wondered if our daughter, whomever she was, would ever come home.

Our waiting stretched on and on because we were waiting for a girl with “no known medical conditions.” 18 months marched on to two years, which finally became, “We will let you know when your paperwork is about to expire and needs to be updated.” Both my husband and myself wondered if it would happen, and honestly, let the dream go. A dream, by the way, which was built on an actual dream. When I was pregnant with our youngest son, I dreamt that we had a boy and adopted two girls from China. Six months later, my previously unconvinced husband had a vision of two Chinese girls… and we began the adoption process.

In August of 2012, I found myself crying in the dressing room of Target when our adoption agency finally called to tell us we had been matched to a three and a half year old little girl. We raced to Denver to see her pictures and sign acceptance paperwork. At that time, we had no idea what would transpire over the next 5 months…

It is a long story, and this is the gist. In January 2013, two months after we got home, Anaya underwent genetic blood-testing and was diagnosed with a rare chromosomal disorder. As my husband and I read what little information we could find and met with doctors, our new reality began to take form. I came face to face with my yet-unrealized dream of empty-nesting one day and moving on to an stage of unattached adventure with my husband. It is unlikely that Anaya will ever gain independence as an adult.

And then, as I wept and reeled, I came face to face with another realization. I was crying less for her and more for myself. Less for the dreams she may never see fulfilled and more for the dreams that I may never see fulfilled. My self-focus slapped me in the face.

Don’t worry. We aren’t beating ourselves up. It is normal and healthy to mourn the loss of a dream. But at some point, we have to move on. And not just to another dream… we must move on to a more meaningful reality. And this brings me back to love on this cloudy Valentine’s Day.

My husband and I both believe that Anaya’s is God’s special and specific gift to our family… but what does that mean, really, for our daily lives? My husband, through tears, shared a new insight that he had recently come to understand. He is a “get it done, make progress, check off that box” kind of guy. A mover and a shaker. A doer. And you know what? I love that about him because God has gifted him to lead a family of eight and there are mountains we have climbed. Mountains around which, if I was leading, we’d be forever circling the base. But this also makes loving a little more difficult, because sometimes love can be measured in terms of production. If I feed “love” into this person, what will it produce for me? Something clicked for my husband. God gave us Anaya to teach us to love… simply love. To kiss, and hug, and read stories with. To slow our pace and soak her up. Soak up the love that just oozes out of her. She, who has difficulty speaking, beckons us and pats the couch, just wanting us to be with her, watching Curious George.

What a picture of God’s love. He beckons and pats the couch and says, I love you. I want you… Simply you, not what you produce for Me.

And so this morning, as I read Ann Voskamp’s words again, “The reward of loving is in the loving; loving is itself the greatest outcome of loving,” I think I’m starting to get it.

~Happy Valentine’s Day~

She Calls Our Names

January 30, 2015

I was riding copilot on the way to the kids’ school this morning with my fifteen-year-old son behind the wheel. I must be getting more relaxed with that reality because my mind was able to actually think about something other than the road and all the other crazy drivers. We were sitting at a stoplight, and my daughter, who we adopted in March, was in the backseat reciting the names of everyone she knows- something she does quite often. “Mommy, Daddy, Bennen, Gamma, Mommy, Daddy, Ella, Mommy…” It could be that she doesn’t know very many words and just likes to talk, but, like I said, I was actually relaxed enough to let my thoughts wander to a more contemplative state.

I asked Brennen, “Do you think Milena might like to recite the names of everyone she knows because when she lived in the orphanage, she didn’t have anyone that was ‘her own’?” The thought just pierced my heart. I can just imagine her telling the world, “And this is my mom, and this is my dad, and these are my brothers, and this is my sister…”

Before, there was no one that was her very own, and now she has a long list of people that love her and call her their own. She is our daughter, our sister, our granddaughter, our niece, our cutie… and we are hers.

This thought pierced me because it struck a very real chord. WE ALL WANT TO BE KNOWN. We want to call others by their names and be called by ours.

Where does this longing to belong, to know and be known, come from? I believe God put it in us when He created us… built in to pull us back to Him. We were created to function in community and to respond to personal relationships. Can you imagine building an intimate or meaningful relationship with someone but never knowing their name? What attachment and warmth can be found in anonymity?

The dictionary defines “anonymous” as being without any name acknowledged, being of unknown name, or lacking individuality, unique character, or distinction. The truth is that even in the best of circumstances, when we are experiencing significant relationship with at least one other person, we can still feel lonely. Like there is something missing or that there are parts of us that remain unknown or misunderstood. It can create a shadow of anonymity. What is that all about??

John 10:2-4 talks about Jesus as our Shepherd. “The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.”

We were create to know God. We are already known by Him. HE KNOWS YOUR NAME. You are not anonymous to Him- you are an individual with unique character and distinction. Relationships with people are a beautiful thing… but no person can touch the depths of my soul. Only the One who created me fully understands who I am. Can I release my loved ones from the expectation that I might be holding them to? Will Milena be able to release us? We are the shadow of God, who is ultimately calling her name. As she recites our names, her soul is rehearsing what it feels like to be truly known and perfectly loved.

What an incredible and beautiful honor to be the ones who are cracking open the door of her heart to the Great Name-Caller. What a privilege to be seed planters in her life.

You are known. You are loved. You are called by name.