Barefaced Beautiful

Make the Shift

Shift Key

I’m trying to make it.  Make the shift.

We are through the holidays and well into the New Year.  Hello, 2016. Ready or not, here you came.  I was in a spinning class today and the instructor asked us if we had all had a good New Year.  Wasn’t that, like, 100 years ago already?

My 40th birthday is breathing down my neck, and I have happy-sad feelings about it.  Thank you, Jesus! Everyone in my family has survived my early parenting and wife-ing (not a word, but if you can parent, you can wife) years.  I have a driving teenager and we are coming up on 19 blessed years of marriage this summer.  So, there’s the happy part!  I don’t feel like a newbie anymore, and that feels good.  I am excited that my number of years is starting to match up a little more appropriately with my number of children. (40 years, 6 kids… that’s a good year-to-kid ratio, right?)

The sad part… the dawning realization that, darn-it, life isn’t getting any easier.  In fact, it feels more challenging.  (Or maybe that is just God’s grace helping me forget what having four small children and a relatively young marriage was like?) Anyway, my challenges are beginning to parallel my aging body.  Sad, right?

Then again, maybe not so sad… not if I can make the shift.

Each of us knows what it is like to have that “thing” that you are waiting for.  That experience, that goal achieved, that hope fulfilled, that will satisfy the deeper longing for peace and meaning- the rest- that we all seek.  It could be as simple and temporal as making it to the weekend and hanging with friends to watch the game.  Maybe it’s a dream vacation, a promotion, or a relationship. For me, it’s when it’s my turn to get paid back for the time and service given to my family.

And until we get there, we hang in the balance.  

Joy sucked out of our souls and suspended in front of us,

like a horse running for that carrot hanging  just out of reach.

There are those of us who have achieved that elusive “thing.”  For a while, we bask in the glow.  And then, as we get farther away from the fire of the experience, we begin to grow cold and seek out new warmth.  What’s the next goal? What’s the next experience?  And then off we go again, chasing another carrot, often dragging our loved ones along with us.

And for the person who experiences this cycle often enough, a chill settles in when it sinks in that, quite possibly, this is never-ending. Unless… he or she makes the shift.

So, here I am, personally trying to make the shift.

The shift, simply put, is a change in perspective.  A change in focus. Ta-Da! Exciting, right? (I can almost hear you groaning, but stick with me!)

Back to my personal horserace.  I am running, running hard and fast because life is hard and fast.  And, so stinking long.  It’s a long race, right?  So, of course, I look to the carrot to drive me on.  I have to have the carrot as a reward for the running.  But the problem is, the carrot, that experience I mentioned above, does not satisfy.  In fact, it only makes me more hungry.  I want another carrot… and this time I want it ground up and mixed with flour, sugar and butter! And topped with cream cheese frosting!

Have you reached the place in life where beautiful, rewarding experiences and relationships just stir up more longing?  I have.  I need to look past the carrot.  Past the payback.

I need to SHIFT.  Shift my gaze from the carrot to the finish line.  It’s coming, people.  And as long as the race can feel, we also feel the pressure of time passing at warp speed.

We were created to long for satisfaction.

And guess what!  What we are longing for is NOT a carrot.  Not even carrot cake.  This shift I’m making is forcing me to acknowledge that people and experiences cannot satisfy me.  Heaven, that soon approaching place for those of us who know Jesus, is satisfaction.  [*See note below] It’s the Finish Line.  The crazy thing is that rather than causing me to feel weary or depressed, this shift in perspective is actually bringing me freedom and joy.  I am becoming free from needing people, places, and experiences to fill me up.  Beginning to let go of those expectations is so refreshing.

Do you need a shift, too?

If a carrot comes your way, by all mean, enjoy it.  Just don’t expect it to fill you up.

Look to the Finish Line.

*Note:  I am aware that as I send this post out into cyberspace, there may be people who read this who don’t believe in Jesus and the existence of Heaven.  If that’s you, I guess I would just offer a question to consider… Have you ever had the experience of something that you thought would fill you up not satisfying you? What do you think that is all about? Why is it that if there is nothing beyond this world, it seems so hard to be satisfied- permanently satisfied, by things this world can offer?

 

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Over the Threshold

Over the BridgeI had a dream this week that I was a passenger in a car that was racing wildly over a a bridge.  Underneath us the water churned and the road was upheaving as we drove over it.  It was like we were in the middle of an earthquake, and we were trying to get over the bridge as it buckled and rose up in some places and fell in others.  I felt like we weren’t going to make it across, but we had to, and we did…

Do you know about the incident in the Old Testament when Moses sent the 12 spies into Canaan to learn about the land and the people in it?  After 40 days of exploration, the spies returned to the Israelites at Kadesh to report:

“They gave Moses this account: ‘We went into the land to which you sent us, and it does flow with milk and honey! Here is its fruit.  But the people who live there are powerful, and the cities are fortified and very large. We even saw descendants of Anak there. The Amalekites live in the Negev; the Hittites, Jebusites and Amorites live in the hill country; and the Canaanites live near the sea and along the Jordan.’

Then Caleb silenced the people before Moses and said, ‘We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it.’

But the men who had gone up with him said, ‘We can’t attack those people; they are stronger than we are.’  And they spread among the Israelites a bad report about the land they had explored. They said, ‘The land we explored devours those living in it. All the people we saw there are of great size. We saw the Nephilim there (the descendants of Anak come from the Nephilim). We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them.'” Numbers 13:27-33 

I am studying the life of Moses in Bible Study Fellowship.  After we have studied a passage, the lead teacher, Karen, speaks on it.  Karen made a statement about the incidence with the spies that has impacted me deeply.  She said, “God brings us to the threshold of his goodness.” The Israelites were right at the doorstep of the Promised Land, but they were scared, discouraged, and angry.  Maybe they had it in their minds that they wanted to be carried over the threshold, like a groom carries his bride.  But they would have to fight their way over, empowered by the very hand of God.

The Lord had brought them to the threshold of His goodness, and they decided not to step over into it.

The Isrealites ended up wandering in the desert for 40 more years because of their lack of faith.  But the story doesn’t end there. DID YOU KNOW THAT GOD GIVES US SECOND CHANCES??  Can I get an amen?? Get this…  After all that wandering, the Lord brought them back to Kadesh.  He brought them back to the very place they had failed so miserably to begin again the conquest of the Promised Land.  And the second time around, they did step over the threshold.

I’ve been pretty open on this blog about my health journey. I have made great progress, but recently as I have encountered stress, I have become aware that I am still in desert places where I thought I had already crossed into the Promised Land.  How discouraging is that, right?  But amazingly, I am actually excited!! God has brought me back to the place where I have previously failed.  Yes, I have seen progress, but not the full freedom He has in store for me. I feel like He is saying, “You’re right there, Kristin.  Push through.  I’m with you and I have more freedom and joy in store for you.” He’s brought me back to the threshold of His goodness.

Threshold. I love this word and all it represents.

 THRESHOLD: 

~A point of entry or beginning

~The magnitude or intensity that must be exceeded for a certain reaction, phenomenon, result, or condition to occur or be manifested.

In my dream, we were crossing the threshold, entering a new place. But the magnitude and intensity of the crossing is what sticks with me.  I remember the driver accelerating to get over the upheaving road before the opportunity was lost.  There was no time for delay or uncertainty.

Where are you at today?  Do you feel like you are on the edge of the Promised Land, ready to cross the threshold? Let’s pray together… Lord, help us to hear You!  Help us hear… What? When? How?  And then help us be confident and courageous because, the Driver of that car taking it’s wild ride over the bridge? It’s You.  And with You, Lord, all things are possible.

 

 

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Blindsided by THAT Question

Depending on your perspective, something that is either amusing or hurtful happened to me today.  I was shopping and chatting with the woman behind the counter. I happened to mention my six children to the her and the next thing I knew, she blindsided me with, “Are you expecting another little one?”

Uh, no.  Big time NO. (In fact, the last “little one” I gave birth to is almost a decade old.)

A year ago,  I probably would have gone home, put on sweats, and soothed myself with cookies.  But, today, I’m happy to say that I’m settling down in the amused camp.  Yes, you can be sure I have been pulling my gut in a little more today, but I’m finding that I’m chuckling about it.

So, what has changed over the last year that has enabled me to withstand humility’s sting?  I got OFF track.  Since that last “little one” that I mentioned above was born, I have struggled to get on top of my health.  I had reached a point where I felt like I was on this downhill track and I couldn’t get off.  I wrote about it in one of my past posts, called The Long Journey to Health, if you are interested in reading more about how I began to make a change for the better. Currently, I’m not where I want to be, but I’m getting there.   Progress… the process, is powerful.  Where I used to feel insecure and hopeless, I now feel secure and hopeful.

Freedom and relief are the fruit of diligent effort in the process, not in the arrival.

And what is arrival, anyway?  Does it mean that you look like you did when you were twenty?  Does it mean no one ever asks you if you are pregnant, when you aren’t?? Does it mean reaching a goal weight or fitting in to a certain size of clothing?

No.  “Arrival” is submitting to the process.  Let’s face it: no matter what we do, we are all getting older, more wrinkly, and saggier… we can’t place our hope or identity in our bodies, or what other people say or think about our bodies.  Peace comes from making the next right choice and choosing to settle my identity into pleasing the Lord.  I’ve finally submitted myself to a pattern of more healthy choices, and I know the mental and emotional freedom that I have because of that is indeed pleasing to Him.

So… because I am in the process, making progress, I’m okay.  Apparently, I can be blindsided and still find myself standing up straight.  Thank you, Jesus!

Is there a process you need to submit yourself to?  Just one day at a time, find yourself right where you need to be… walking in the freedom and peace that come from just doing what you are called to do today, moment by moment.

Or, what if you are like I was for so long?  Not sure how to get off that crazy negative track.  Not sure about the process the Lord wants to take you though.  Pray, friend!  God doesn’t want you to walk in confusion and defeat. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”  Then, when the Lord speaks, grab a buddy and start walking it out.

Join me in saying, “I’m not where I want to be, but I’m not where I used to be!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Beautiful Inadequacy

My Inadequacy Displays His Beauty

Well, here it is, the guest blog post entitled Beautiful Inadequacy that started this whole journey/adventure of starting my own blog.  Please check it out and celebrate what God is doing with me!  I wrote about this special opportunity in my post, Crying in the Shower, if you are interested in reading a little more about the story behind the guest post.

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I’m Not a Very Good Juggler

There are very few days in my life when I have the feeling that I’ve got everything under control the way I’d like.  I feel like a juggler… but not always such a great one.  I can handle five balls (or blazing rings of fire!) but not six.  Why then, do I tie my sense of security to being able to juggle six, or possibly even seven at a time?

Practically, I mean that although I’m currently successfully tackling eating healthier food, working out has dropped off the list.  And if I add working out back in, laundry will most likely get out of control.  And if laundry is washed, folded, and put away, chances are good that haven’t called my best friend back. I think you might be able to relate.

There’s something going on here on a deeper, darker level… because in the end, does it really matter if laundry piles up a little bit?

I have been afraid.  Afraid that I won’t be able to maintain all my responsibilities and that I will get worn out by the monotony of trying.  It leaves me feeling very unsettled because I could have actually had a pretty wonderful day- if I wasn’t too busy beating myself up because I couldn’t figure out how to get that sixth ball into the mix.  I must need MORE DISCIPLINE!  MORE DILIGENCE! MORE CONSISTENCY!

And, more brains, and more arms, and more legs, and more mouths, and more hands.

What if I actually just need a new peace-giving perspective?

And perspective is what the Lord gave me last week when He helped me see something new in an old story- Moses and the Israelites’ story.  The Lord told Moses, in Exodus 23, that as He brought the Israelites into the Promised Land,  He would not drive out all their enemies at once.  He did this so that the wild animals would not overrun the land.  As I was studying the passage, verse 29 jumped off the page.  I am understanding more and more about how the Israelite’s journey parallels mine as a believer and how so many of the details surrounding all the events of those 40 years in the desert point to Jesus and His work on the cross.  A thought occurred to me…

I have been saved from bondage, like the Israelites, and my life on earth parallels the Israelite’s journey through the desert.  Canaan, their Promised Land, is my eternal life in Heaven.  Until the Israelites had fully entered the Promised Land, they had enemies to battle.  The perspective that the Lord gave me was that until I am in heaven, I will have enemies to battle… they will never all be fully conquered on earth, and that is by God’s gracious design.  If all of my enemies were conquered at once, if I could indeed juggle every ball, every day, I might get a little too comfortable here and forget this is not my home. Heaven is my promised land, where every enemy will be conquered.

That perspective brings me peace.  It’s okay that I can’t quite have everything under control the way I’d like.  That’s actually God’s design… not my lack of juggling ability.  He wants me to remain dependent on Him and continually looking toward Heaven.  May you be encouraged, fellow juggler, and feel God’s pleasure as you continue on your journey… giving God your very best, but with the fresh perspective that He’s gracefully keeping your eyes on Him and your hope in Heaven.

 

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The Long Journey to Health

My tools had gotten very dull… lots of digging into the hard earth in a desert wasteland.  But I was trying, that’s for sure.  Or, at least thinking about trying.

There’s got to be water here, if I dig deep enough!

What am I talking about?  Most women’s bane of existence.  [Truthfully, I had no idea what “bane” actually means, so I looked it up:  a cause of great distress or annoyance.  YEP.  It applies here.] I’m talking about weight loss, or your health plan, or diet, or whatever else you may have decided to call it.  I’ve called it my “health journey.”  And what a journey it is and has been.

I’ve been working at taking care of myself since my fourth son, and last biological child, was born.  He’s nine and a half.  Plus all the years before that between the births of his older brothers, plus all the years before that when I didn’t feel good about myself even though I had a body that would seem to me now to be the body of a supermodel.  Does that seem like a run-on sentence to you?  It certainly feels like a run-on issue in my life.

In the past, I would read about how the Israelites managed to turn a week-long journey through the desert into a 40-year saga, and I would shake my head in confusion.  Hello, people!  God just parted the Red Sea!  What do you mean, where is the water?  But, I actually don’t see it like that anymore.  I had the sobering revelation a while ago that the Israelites extended their journey just like I have mine… by simply doing the same thing they had done yesterday.  Get up, eat the manna, grumble, wander, go to bed, repeat.

 

They were trying to get from Point A to Point B without ever giving their hearts to the Lord.

 

So, I’ve been thinking about all of this as it relates to a specific occurrence in Israel’s journey and how it overlaps with my current state of affairs.  Shortly after the Lord had parted the Red Sea, God’s chosen people found themselves in need of water for a second time.  The first time was only three days after crossing the Red Sea, and the Lord provided fresh water for his people by instructing Moses to throw a piece of wood into bitter water, making the water become sweet.

Even after witnessing the miracle of the provision of fresh water not long before, the Israelites thirsted and raged against Moses and God again.  Exodus 17:3-4 says, “But the people were thirsty for water there, and they grumbled against Moses. They said, ‘Why did you bring us up out of Egypt to make us and our children and livestock die of thirst?’ Then Moses cried out to the Lord, ‘What am I to do with these people? They are almost ready to stone me.’”  The Lord graciously showed Moses a rock, and commanded him to hit it with his staff.  What must have been a huge amount of water, in order to nourish the great mass of people, gushed out of the rock.

Before this happened, I wonder if any of the people had begun to dig for water out of desperation.  Fear and fatigue must have set in as they toiled.  And this leads me back to my “health journey.”  I have toiled.  I have worried.  I have wandered.  I have thirsted.  All of this, when the Lord had abundant water available to me.

 

But I, also, had been trying to get from Point A to Point B without letting the Lord have my heart.

 

I wanted to be nourished and guided without ever fully submitting to His best for me.  I’ve been digging and toiling for years, when all along the Lord wanted to give me the gift of His refreshment.

 

He wanted to do an amazing work in me, not watch me work.

 

A month ago, I woke up with a specific eating plan on my heart.  I knew the Lord gave me the idea because I have learned how He speaks to me. (Another topic all together.)  It requires planning and preparation, so yes, I do have to make an effort.  The difference from all the other efforts I’ve made, however, was that I approached this plan as a fast.  All the other times, I’ve tried to figure out how I can still eat whatever I want and also achieve my desired results. That just hasn’t worked for me, and this plan didn’t leave that as an option.

I am amazed.  This is the first time I have fully, faithfully submitted myself to boundaries, and I have seen the Lord strike the rock and pour out the water that I have been so thirsting for.   I feel that He has been waiting for me to run out of my own strength and turn to Him.  As my body is changing, so is my heart for Him.

Sister, I want to encourage you.  Let the Lord work in you.  Seek Him.  Ask Him where the water is and then listen to Him for direction on how to obtain it.  Don’t give into fear.  He loves you.  He is your Provider.  He is your Rock.  He is your Living Water.

Please share your journey with me – the ups and the downs, that we may encourage one another!

 

 

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