Archives for January 2015

She Calls Our Names

January 30, 2015

I was riding copilot on the way to the kids’ school this morning with my fifteen-year-old son behind the wheel. I must be getting more relaxed with that reality because my mind was able to actually think about something other than the road and all the other crazy drivers. We were sitting at a stoplight, and my daughter, who we adopted in March, was in the backseat reciting the names of everyone she knows- something she does quite often. “Mommy, Daddy, Bennen, Gamma, Mommy, Daddy, Ella, Mommy…” It could be that she doesn’t know very many words and just likes to talk, but, like I said, I was actually relaxed enough to let my thoughts wander to a more contemplative state.

I asked Brennen, “Do you think Milena might like to recite the names of everyone she knows because when she lived in the orphanage, she didn’t have anyone that was ‘her own’?” The thought just pierced my heart. I can just imagine her telling the world, “And this is my mom, and this is my dad, and these are my brothers, and this is my sister…”

Before, there was no one that was her very own, and now she has a long list of people that love her and call her their own. She is our daughter, our sister, our granddaughter, our niece, our cutie… and we are hers.

This thought pierced me because it struck a very real chord. WE ALL WANT TO BE KNOWN. We want to call others by their names and be called by ours.

Where does this longing to belong, to know and be known, come from? I believe God put it in us when He created us… built in to pull us back to Him. We were created to function in community and to respond to personal relationships. Can you imagine building an intimate or meaningful relationship with someone but never knowing their name? What attachment and warmth can be found in anonymity?

The dictionary defines “anonymous” as being without any name acknowledged, being of unknown name, or lacking individuality, unique character, or distinction. The truth is that even in the best of circumstances, when we are experiencing significant relationship with at least one other person, we can still feel lonely. Like there is something missing or that there are parts of us that remain unknown or misunderstood. It can create a shadow of anonymity. What is that all about??

John 10:2-4 talks about Jesus as our Shepherd. “The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.”

We were create to know God. We are already known by Him. HE KNOWS YOUR NAME. You are not anonymous to Him- you are an individual with unique character and distinction. Relationships with people are a beautiful thing… but no person can touch the depths of my soul. Only the One who created me fully understands who I am. Can I release my loved ones from the expectation that I might be holding them to? Will Milena be able to release us? We are the shadow of God, who is ultimately calling her name. As she recites our names, her soul is rehearsing what it feels like to be truly known and perfectly loved.

What an incredible and beautiful honor to be the ones who are cracking open the door of her heart to the Great Name-Caller. What a privilege to be seed planters in her life.

You are known. You are loved. You are called by name.

Blindsided by THAT Question

January 16, 2015

Depending on your perspective, something that is either amusing or hurtful happened to me today. I was shopping and chatting with the woman behind the counter. I happened to mention my six children to the her and the next thing I knew, she blindsided me with, “Are you expecting another little one?”

Uh, no. Big time NO. (In fact, the last “little one” I gave birth to is almost a decade old.)

A year ago, I probably would have gone home, put on sweats, and soothed myself with cookies. But, today, I’m happy to say that I’m settling down in the amused camp. Yes, you can be sure I have been pulling my gut in a little more today, but I’m finding that I’m chuckling about it.

So, what has changed over the last year that has enabled me to withstand humility’s sting? I got OFF track. Since that last “little one” that I mentioned above was born, I have struggled to get on top of my health. I had reached a point where I felt like I was on this downhill track and I couldn’t get off. I wrote about it in one of my past posts, called The Long Journey to Health, if you are interested in reading more about how I began to make a change for the better. Currently, I’m not where I want to be, but I’m getting there. Progress… the process, is powerful. Where I used to feel insecure and hopeless, I now feel secure and hopeful.

Freedom and relief are the fruit of diligent effort in the process, not in the arrival.

And what is arrival, anyway? Does it mean that you look like you did when you were twenty? Does it mean no one ever asks you if you are pregnant, when you aren’t?? Does it mean reaching a goal weight or fitting in to a certain size of clothing?

No. “Arrival” is submitting to the process. Let’s face it: no matter what we do, we are all getting older, more wrinkly, and saggier… we can’t place our hope or identity in our bodies, or what other people say or think about our bodies. Peace comes from making the next right choice and choosing to settle my identity into pleasing the Lord. I’ve finally submitted myself to a pattern of more healthy choices, and I know the mental and emotional freedom that I have because of that is indeed pleasing to Him.

So… because I am in the process, making progress, I’m okay. Apparently, I can be blindsided and still find myself standing up straight. Thank you, Jesus!

Is there a process you need to submit yourself to? Just one day at a time, find yourself right where you need to be… walking in the freedom and peace that come from just doing what you are called to do today, moment by moment.

Or, what if you are like I was for so long? Not sure how to get off that crazy negative track. Not sure about the process the Lord wants to take you though. Pray, friend! God doesn’t want you to walk in confusion and defeat. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” Then, when the Lord speaks, grab a buddy and start walking it out.

Join me in saying, “I’m not where I want to be, but I’m not where I used to be!”

Feeling Needy

January 12, 2015

Lessons From a Year Gone By #1. I’m sharing my journal from last year with you! Read all about why here.

Feeling needy, being aware that we are lacking something, can be a great thing. It can also drive us to comparison and fearfulness. I guess it depends on your perspective.

In Genesis 1, we read the story of the beginning of mankind. It’s amazing. I imagine explosions of light, the buzzing sound of the Spirit of God hovering, incredible fragrances like the freshness of earth, and clarity of color and sound unhindered by pollution. God spends six days creating, and everything is very good!

Later, in Genesis 2, we go back in time and learn a little more in depth about the circumstances of the creation of man and woman, Adam and Eve. The Lord had created Adam and all the living creatures. Genesis 2:19-20 says, “Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found.”

But for Adam, no suitable helper was found…

In Genesis 2:18, before Adam named the animals, the Lord had already said that it was not good for Adam to be alone. He had already said that He would make a helper for him. Why do you think that He waited to create Eve? He knew Adam had a need… why did He wait to fill that need?

I believe that it is because, back to what I stated above, that feeling needy can be a great thing. God certainly could have just made Eve and given her to Adam, but instead, He positioned Adam to become aware of his need. Once Adam realized that need, the Lord took the opportunity to reveal aspects of WHO HE IS to mankind.

He became Jehovah Jireh, God is my Provider, to Adam. Instead of Adam’s experience being, “Wow, look! All the creatures have a partner, and so do I. Isn’t that nice?”, his experience of lacking something revealed God as One who is aware of our needs, One who is loving and cares when we have needs, One who is generous, and One who perfectly provides.

How will I respond when I feel needy? Will I become fearful and wonder how things will turn out? Will I look around and see that others have more than I? Or, will I say, “Lord, You must want to reveal something to me about Your character… what is it?” The more we understand about God’s character in the midst of our circumstances, the more our faith grows. Greater faith produces greater peace- peace that passes understanding.

Lord, grant me childlike expectancy!

It’s on my heart to pray for those of you who feel disappointed or abandoned by the Lord. I pray that you will experience again the presence and provision of the Lord in ways that minister to your heart. Look for Him… He hasn’t left, and He loves you fiercely.

Lessons From the Year Gone By

January 12, 2015

Writing is rewarding, in the sense that I feel like I am doing something I am supposed to do… and doesn’t that feel good? However, it also causes me to experience some insecurity. I’m a little fish in a very big pond… ocean, really. I felt that way the other day when I was perusing a well-known writer’s blog. I felt so small. I started to wonder, what should I write about? What do I have to say and why does it matter? I felt intimidated.

Then, we went away for Christmas, and I began the process of going through my journal entries from 2014. I think it’s important to remember the last year before I move on to the next and to summarize the year’s lessons for myself. As I began the process however, I quickly realized that the Lord had given me a lot of meat to chew… too much to try to review and summarize in a day or two. And then, the Lord prompted me with this idea: Go back through your journal and share it on your blog.

So here I go. Still feeling intimidated and small, I’m taking you all through my last year. The highs, the lows, the dreams, and the disasters. It’s scary, because choosing to be barefaced makes me vulnerable… but I’m also excited because sharing my journal lines up exactly with why I believe God laid this whole project on my heart:

2 Corinthians 3:17-18, “Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”

When we know Jesus, the veil covering our faces is removed, and we can see Him and know Him. When we know Him, we are made more like Him… we become barefaced beautiful.

Let’s do this. (gulp)

A New Year

January 2, 2015

It’s been a long time since I’ve greeted a new year with resounding gusto. Usually, I’m smiling and kissing my hubby while simultaneously feeling guilty about all that wasn’t achieved that year. I thought I would be heading into 2015 doing a victory dance because I FINALLY conquered that thing that kept rolling from year to year. Instead, it was sort of half-celebration. It seems I’ve only achieved partial victory, after all.

So, January 1st was a battle for me. I spent most of the day feeling depressed. How can a person feel so sure of where they stand, only to discover that position is a few poor decisions away from feeling like she’s back to square one? My answer to that question is another question. Has my reality actually been changed by my recent decisions? If not, then I know I’m fighting a battle of the mind… a battle of perspective, which was true in my case. I finally dragged myself into God’s Word at the end of the day.

I read Genesis 1-3, the story of creation and the fall. In the middle of my struggling, God shared two things with me.

– When God says something, it happens, and He says it is good. That is truth I can stand on. So, when He has begun a good work in me and I feel that I’ve undone it all within a week, is that true? Truth says, “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” (Philippians 1:6)

– Secondly, the Lord showed me something interesting that I hadn’t considered before. This is what Genesis 2 says about the Garden of Eden: “Now the Lord God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed.” The thing I hadn’t considered before was that God had placed Adam and Eve in a defined space. It’s true, God had given them the mandate to multiply, fill, and subdue the earth, but Adam and Eve He had placed in the garden. They knew where they belonged and what their responsibilities were. That all changed with the Fall. After they sinned, God sent them into the whole world. What then, was their defined space to fill and subdue? To me, this seems like the very beginning of New Year’s Resolutions. Man looking to make a difference in his own life and the lives around him… but we so often over-promise and under-deliver. We don’t know anymore where we belong or what our responsibilities are, so we try to subdue the whole stinkin’ earth! No wonder we are overworked and stressed out, and often feeling, like I have for so many years, that another year has gone by without having achieved those elusive goals.

So, what am I doing with these two thoughts in light of the discouragement that I was facing yesterday? I’m praying, Lord, I do know that the work you began in me in 2014 is something You will complete. It’s Your work, and it’s good. I can trust You even when I don’t trust myself. Secondly, I am being thoughtful about the year to come. We live in the big, wide world, with so many opportunities and needs. We need the Lord to define our gardens for the coming year. I’m praying, Lord, if there is anything you want to add or subtract from my life in 2015, show me! In the mean time, help me to continue in what You’ve already been doing.

Happy {blessed and anointed, directed and purposeful} New Year to you all.